things i should have said
by i-love-you-forever-and-always
Summary: Santana has been in the 9/11 twin towers and in hospital all she wants to do is tell Brittany how she really felt.
1. emails

_Dear Brittany,_  
_I know it's been a long time , but I have so many things I need to say to you , to tell you When I first saw you I was mesmerised by you I can't say what part because it was all of you. We were best friends for so long until you started to date Artie, I became jealous and someone that I never wanted to be towards you, between all my hatred for him and love for you somehow our friendship got lost along the way and for that I am truly sorry I would give anything to have it back, when you were with him I started to get all these feelings I didn't even know existed but you showed and open them up to me. I can't tell you in words how much you move me You thought me what being in love meant , you would doing anything or be anything for that person. You have to know I would be anything for you! But I was too late to tell you and I understand that. You're probably married now with kids and a house with a white picket fence that you always hoped for, I hope you got everything. I know this email is out of the blue so I'll explain... _  
_ I was in the twin towers last week you see I worked there when it all came crashing down on top of me, I tried to escape but I was trapped for 3 days no food and no water, I had nothing to live for because although I never told you, I came out to my parents, they threw me out and told me how disappointed they were in me, I was a freak! , a sin. So I decided to follow my dreams and I now own an acting studio. I looked for you for 2 years so I could tell you how I felt, I searched everywhere, I was hoping you would feel the same, I wanted you to have a dance studio and to teach it because it was your dream like mine was to teach acting, I finally found it, I came by your house and your next door neighbour told me you were getting married but gave me your email address. I felt that day like my life had just ended in all honesty that I had to move on. Still a year and a half later though when I was lying under all the rubble I started to pass out and you want to know the last person that entered my mind? it was you Brittany all these questions came flooding into my mind like if you were okay , how you were , weather you still danced (I remember the first time I saw you dance you were phenomenal , I couldn't take my eyes off you)... now I'm sat in this hospital alone reminiscing of what could have been when really all I need to do is tell you , so here it is I love you Brittany Suzan pierce , I love you so much it kills me and I know that I can't have you but I just want you to know you were always meant so much to me , you still do , a disaster like 9/11 puts things into perspective and for me it just showed me that I can't get over you I will always love you , so I want you to promise me , if your alone , upset and even just need a friend , come and find me and I will always be here for you , I don't expect a reply to this email but I thought you should know once and for all that I have always loved you and always will. Forever and always yours Santana x_

**Please review i'm thinking of making this into an actual fic , let me know what you think !**


	2. without a thought

Brittany p.o.v

It had only been a week since the twin towers, the devastation it had brought upon everyone, for the first time our country had truly witnessed something inexpressible the once city where dreams were made of was covered in the harsh smoke from the horrible disaster blinding the sun and leaving new York unhappy. When I saw the news the one thing running through my mind was Santana. I hadn't seen her in so long, last I heard she was in New York, all I could think was what if? But I had to remove myself from these thoughts, Santana was my past, she never cared about me, the only thing I ever was to her was something warm beneath her.

I did the same thing today I did every day. Got up, went to the dance studio, came home, and now I was about to pour myself another glass of rose wine as I went to check my emails.

Most of it was spam because I never usually get anything interesting and then I saw it … 1 new message from Santana Lopez. I inhaled a deep breath. Why was she emailing me, what did she want. I tried not to look because it had been so long; but I couldn't help myself and with that I started to read , before I knew it tears started to spill out my eyes as I read the last words _Forever_ and always yours Santana x. Why after all this time? I would have waited for her but she didn't give me the chance. I knew I had to go and see her but after all this time things could never be the same, but she needed me.

I grabbed my phone and purse, without even a second thought I called for a taxi and was on my way to meet the person who once had my heart. I had so many thoughts running through my head, so many questions that I wanted to ask, to know the answer to that I didn't even realize we were outside the hospital until the cab driver spoke with his ignorant tone ;"hey Blondie were here , you owe me $46"

"Yeah sure, here you go don't hold back on the politeness next time" I scoffed as I practically threw the money at him, ugh why are people so impolite these days!

I started to make my way into the hospital; everywhere I looked there were people. Most of them being treated or operating on I suspect injuries from the twin towers and the others were relatives praying for their loved ones life's. How could I have been so stupid, I should have been there, I should have saved her from it no matter what!

I grabbed a cup of coffee, one for me and one for Santana. I made it a black, one sugar just how she liked it as I walked up to the front desk.

"Hi I know you're busy but would it be possible for you to tell me where Santana Lopez is, I'm her …" (_what do I call myself__) _

"Friend I'm her friend Brittany pierce" I hesitantly added

"Sure she's in room 302, upstairs first one on the left" the young receptionist told me.

I had been pacing down the halls for 10 minutes now, come on Brittany pull yourself together. As I walked in I heard a voice that made my heart skip a beat.

"Brittany"

**please review and i will keep writing , not sure whether to make it a short few shots or a full fic ... thoughts ?**


	3. honesty is the best policy

Santana p.o.v

"Santana" I stared into her deep blue eyes in awe, they say eyes are the window to the soul. Well this is true because hers were light, kind and beautiful. She had always been beautiful.

We didn't say another word, we both just kept silent. I was hoping she would say something just to cut the tension but it never came we stayed in silence for about 5 minutes and just as I was about to say something she came over and pulled me into a bone crushing hug. Every touch made my body feel like it was on fire, it took all my strength not to just kiss her, but I know I couldn't do that.

"You came" I broke the silence … I needed to hear her voice

"Of course I came Santana, you are hurt … no matter what I'll always be here to look after you, you know that. No matter what, I've been so worried; I should have been here and stopped it" She spoke on the verge of tears.

"Come on its okay, I'm still here aren't I, it's going to be okay" I said pulling her back into the hug "I love you" I whispered gently into her ear whilst stroking her long blonde hair. It still felt as soft and smelt as sweet as it did all those years ago.

"Don't do that!" she yelled pulling back from the hug

"Brittany I …"

"no Santana you don't get to do that , why? , all those years ago I gave everything to you , I gave you my heart , I told you how I felt , and do you know what you did ? , you walked all over that, I would have waited forever for you if you had just told me you loved me back then. But no you shut me out, told me you felt nothing for me that I was just a warm body for you … and still when you weren't in my life you were still the centre of it! , I tried to move on , I found someone I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and then my next door neighbour tells me someone named Santana dropped by and you gave her my email address. I thought I finally might be able to get my best friend back so I waited, I waited for weeks for you to show up again or even email me and you didn't, for god's sake I couldn't even marry the man because although you weren't there I was still head over heels in love with you Santana, I never stopped loving you, but you hurt me, I gave you my heart and you threw it away. And now you send me an email telling me what I mean to you, you searched for me for two years Santana … two fucking years and you never even fought for me , for us , do you have any idea what that feels like ? How much you hurt me!"

She practically yelled while tears were escaping down her face and all I wanted to do was take her in my arms and never let her go, tell her I was here.

"Brittany, I can never express in words how sorry I am, if you don't believe anything else then you have to believe I'm sorry. I guess I should start from the beginning. We were always best friends, we would do everything together, and without you my life would just be worthless. I liked you because you took the time to get to know me , you were always there for me whenever I needed you , you made me kind Britt , you made me feel like I was worth something. But when you started to date Artie I felt I was losing you, I became jealous and someone I shouldn't have been. I'm not proud of who I was, that was when I realised how madly in love I was with you Britt. You were and still are the most beautiful person I've ever laid eyes on, your smile is amazing, you can light up the room with it and your eyes well they are just mesmerising. But what I felt for you scared me Britt because I had never felt that way before I just wanted to be around you all the time. But I was always under the influence of how wrong it was from my parents, but how something could so wrong feel so right. I was a coward Brittany for not telling you how I felt. I didn't think I could live without my parents , but I was wrong I couldn't and can't live without you. The day you left I will never forget. You didn't even tell me Britt (tears started to stream down my face)… you didn't even tell me you were leaving and by the time I found out I didn't even get a goodbye, what the hell Britt!" I cried out.

"I'm sorry" she whispered

"I told my parents I loved you that night, do you know what they told me? I was a freak of nature , a sin , I deserved to rot in hell and I was no longer part of the family. So I left, no one would tell me where you were so I searched, for 2 years. And when I finally found you I thought this is it I'm going to tell her I love her and then we will be together. But who am I kidding Britt, I walked up to your house and you weren't in, you neighbour tells me your getting married and gives me your email address. I felt like everything I had done didn't matter anymore because I was too late. I deserved to be lonely. But how … how was I supposed to email you and tell you everything when you were happy, you were getting married. I just want you to be happy Britt, I love you and I just want you to be happy" I sobbed but never once broke eye contact.

"Then why San, why email me now?" she asked softly.

"Because I thought I was gonna fucking die Britt! I was trapped under all that rubble and all I could think about is you and what if I die? , what if she never knows how I really felt? , every day Britt , nearly every god damn day since I went to your house I have gotten drunk and picked up some blonde at the bar hoping, well more like trying to convince myself it was you. But it didn't work because nothing can compare to you, I'm lost without you, I'm lonely without you and I'm so madly in love with you I needed to know, I need to know that before I give up that I tried everything to get you back and to let you know how I felt I love you Brittany, I love you, I love you, I love you"

And before I could say anything else her lips crashed onto mine, like it was our first kiss. I put all the emotion I had into it, I needed her to know how much she meant to me. Her lips grazed mine seeking entrance which I happily gave, us both conveying everything we had into the kiss. Gently she pulled back before either of us could get too carried away, we were in a hospital of course and she placed her head in the crock of my neck.

"Wow" was all I could say. "So I take it you love me too eh?"

" yeah" she smiled massively as I leaned in giving her another passionate kiss, nothing had ever felt so right, but they did say love isn't easy and you can't help who you fall for. I defiantly know what they meant, but it was defiantly with it.

**So guys I'm making this just a shot few shots I'll put an epilogue up next probably tomorrow , please review I'm thinking of writing a fix so let me know what you think or any ideas? Thanks **


	4. epilogue

Two years later

Santana p.o.v

"Man hands get your ass in here right now" Santana yelled out of the door.

"Santana what's wrong and please stop calling me man hands!"

"Fine I'm freaking out Berry, I want this to be the best day of her life and we all know that all I do is screw everything up. I was lucky to even get a second chance with her but what if I ruin it" tears started to fall from my eyes.

"Santana look at me" she said sternly as she wiped the tears from my eyes

"just forget about everything right now and think about the girl you fell in love with, we both know what we were never really friends but look how far we've come Santana, I admit we do have an extremely strange relationship but if there's one thing I know about you it's how much you love Brittany, she's made you a better person, she's made you happy. To be honest I think that you could never ruin it or screw it up because the love that you too have is just indescribable. Look at me and Quinn we practically hated each other and now look at us were married and doing just fine, I know you and Brittany will be too" she said softly pulling me into a hug.

"Wow, um I know I don't say this a lot but thank you Rachael, and I actually mean it you're a great friend" I spoke in all honesty

"Did the famous Santana Lopez just thank me, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me" she spoke seriously with her hand over her heart and I let out a small laugh.

"Don't get used to it berry that was a one off" I shot back in all seriousness.

"It's time" she spoke as I waited … and then I saw her.

The most beautiful girl I had ever seen walk down the aisle , her blue eyes capturing mine and the beaming smile on her face as she walked towards me. I couldn't tear my eyes away just knowing that she was mine, she was just one word perfection.

"So the two lovely ladies have written their own vows for today, Brittany please could you read us yours" the priest said

"Santana, the first day I met you the thing I first noticed was your eyes, there just amazing, when I look into them I can see everything about you and that just captivates me. The first time we spoke I was being bullied and you saved me, you kicked their asses for me San, but that's one of the things I love most about you your feistiness. You took the time to get to know me, when everyone called me the stupid kid that liked unicorns you took a chance on me and for that I am forever grateful to you. Every day I wake up and maybe for a few minutes I just look at you, I think of how lucky I am to have ever met someone so amazing and to be able to call you my own is just an honour, you always thanked me for giving you a second chance, but I don't see it like that, I just think its fate. I love you Santana Marie Lopez always have and always will" she held my hands as we both had tears streaming down our faces.

"Santana please could you read your vows" I heard the priest ask

"I can't do this I'm sorry" I said confidently as I ripped up my vows, I saw Brittany's smile fade and tears start to fall from her eyes.

"no what I mean is I can't do this" I said more confidently this time taking both of her hands "I can't stand hear after you have just spoke the most amazing vows and try to put into words how much I love you Brittany I just can't, you mean everything to me, your beautiful, funny, kind, smart and you constantly make me want to be a better person. Every time I touch you it's like my body is set on fire , you give me butterflies , every time I see you smile I know that I would do anything , be anything for you. When I look into your eyes it's like time freezes, all that matters is you and me and the love we share. And well when I kiss you its just indescribable I get fireworks every time, when I kiss you it's like I feel safe, and everything will be okay because I have you and you have me. Brittany when I met you I didn't just find a wife, I found a best friend, a soul mate. I promise to try and give you everything, be there for you whenever you need me, a friend, a wife, a lover, and you have made me so happy Britt! , happier than you will ever know and I promise to try and make you just as happy through our marriage. I meant that letter Brittany, every single word… I love you Brittany Suzan Pierce forever and always." I spoke my vows in seriousness and I couldn't help but let tears fall as I saw the happiness on her face.

"Brittany pierce do you take Santana Lopez to be your wife"

"I do" she spoke through her tears

"Santana Lopez do you take Brittany pierce to be your wife"

"I do" I said confidently

"I now pronounce you Mrs and Mrs Pierce-Lopez you may now kiss" As the priest smiled through his last words I couldn't contain myself any longer. I pulled Brittany in for the most powerful and heartfelt kiss I could ever give anyone to show I wasn't ever going anywhere.

As we pulled back into a hug I heard her say "I love you Santana"

With that I softly replied into her ear "I love you too Britt"

I looked down at the engravement in my ring I knew at that moment in time that as long as I had her my life would be okay, it would be complete. We were meant to be; our love will last a lifetime as I looked down once again at my ring and read the engravement.

_Forever and __always_


End file.
